Lost some momentum

After my last significant update from October, I lost some momentum. There are a lot of reasons why, but suffice it to say I went through the holiday season in a state of grasping for things to make me feel good.

Do you know that feeling where you start eating cookies and you can’t stop until they are gone, because with each one you think “I’ll stop after this one” and then “but it tastes so good” and “just one more” and before you know it you’ve had a thousands calories and untold grams of fat, and all just for 10 minutes of enjoying the deliciousness? And you feel as though you can’t stop yourself, that it’s a compulsion really, but there is some quiet voice in the back of your head saying “well you could fight it” and the rest of the voices just sort of tilt their heads to listen to that one and then just shrug and say “too tired to fight it…”

I felt that way all too much in the last few months. And I don’t really feel the energy and strength to pull out of it now. But I’m trying – at least. I’m trying to break the changes I’d like to see in myself into very small steps. I know with each small step I can feel a little more proud, a little stronger, and a little more in control. Whether it’s 5 minutes of meditating or getting up within the first two snoozes, I think the little changes are the first steps. Now, to take those steps…

Advertisements