I am doing better this month with taking it easy and just letting time pass, focusing on my days and what I can control.
But I am still me, and therefore I am still thinking frequently about what I am feeling in my body and what it might mean and how the physiological events of a hypothetical conception might manifest and be observed in one who is watching closely.
It started with alternating mild and sharp cyst like pains the day of and after positive opk that then faded and seemed like ovulation, and then around my temp drop during LP I had three days of cramps in the evening, on the same side as the cyst-like pain, that in my crazy wishful head could have been implantation, shortly followed by my first case of lots of watery CM during LP, and now a temp jump which has sustained for 4 days. I’ve been emotional and am crying when watching tv or movies, at embarrassingly mild things like The Croods. Yup, I bawled at The Croods last week.
Yesterday, somewhere between 8 and 11 DPO, I was feeling mild nausea, cramps, backaches, and headaches. I slept poorly, waking up often, and I felt fatigued.
Stupidly, I took a preg test, on the off chance that I was both really 11 DPO and also would get an early positive. Of course, it was negative. Somehow, it still calmed me a bit as I was getting anxious that I was getting my hopes up just to be crushed (almost like getting anxious about being too anxious!), and the BFN helped me moderate my hopes. I’m more successfully telling myself now that these symptoms are probably all just PMS.
This morning I actually feel better. No cramps or nausea. Very mild backache. And I slept well. I hope to stay more relaxed for this second week!