As December marches on

I am taking each day at a time. Some days I have energy and optimism and the day passes fairly quickly. These are few but increasing in frequency.

Other days, even on a good night’s rest, I can’t stop yawning well into the afternoon and my head feels funny, fuzzy like I have a hangover but I don’t.

Still, things are looking up. I got the job offer yesterday, and am planning to accept it tomorrow when he gets back to me about details. The timing is great because yesterday they fired my best friend at the office – who had just been saying that if I left, she’d need to get out more urgently. Well now she’s gone already, and the desk next to mine sits empty. I want out. Hopefully I can accept the new offer tomorrow and get my resignation in before the day is out.

I’m ecstatic, and yet reserved. I’ve wanted out for so long, it feels surreal to finally be ready to leave. It hasn’t fully sunk in yet. I’ll feel better tomorrow after I finalize and accept the new offer. And start telling my coworkers that I’m saying goodbye…

On Thursday I am meeting my deceased friend’s Aunt (her NY family) to talk about planning a memorial here in NYC. Meeting a family member who was at the funeral with the family will probably be more final – somehow without being at the funeral or wake, or in a community that all misses her, sometimes it feels like maybe it’s not so final and she’s just moved away…

I want to help plan a beautiful memorial for her here in NYC.


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