Apparently it’s 94 degrees (Fahrenheit) outside. I was thinking of going to campus today, to stop in and visit the undergrads who are working in the lab; one of whom is new this week. Yesterday I helped set up this apparatus, which they were probably going to try out today, and I would be interested to stop by and see how it’s working. I did tell them though, that I wasn’t sure what time I’d be in, since I had a commitment this morning and I didn’t know what time it would end. They are leaving for the day at 3:30, which means I should have left already, and if I leave now, I would only be visiting them for about 15-20 minutes before they leave for the day. I don’t have anything pressing to do on campus, but I could visit my office and organize my papers and folders, which I’ve been meaning to do. I have readings, but I can do those here too. But it’s so damn hot out, I can barely bring myself to go outside! I’m still feeling kind of down and lethargic. If the weather were cooler, a nice trip outside would probably do me good, but as it is, I’m more likely to feel yucky and come back tired and sweaty, which won’t make me feel any better. Also, there’s a severe weather advisory that the pollution is really high and the air is stagnant, and that anyone with breathing problems should limit time outside. I don’t have asthma or anything, but I’m not in the best of physical shape, and that just doesn’t sound like fun.
I wasn’t sure what to do because my conscience says “go to campus” and the rest of me says “stay home.” So I spoke to Husband, and he said “Stay home.” Guess who is going to watch the finale of Law & Order now?
(p.s. Just writing this post makes me feel like crap about myself – I’m speaking the truth, because, why not? It’s an anonymous blog anyhow. But I write these words and I feel like a lazy, lazy academic, who doesn’t belong at this university in this graduate program. Of course, my first paper, on which I’m going to be first author, was just accepted, and I’m only finishing my first year of grad school now, so I don’t really think I’m a poor grad student. From what I can tell, most people regard me as a really good researcher for my stage in the career path. But I feel like I shouldn’t be lazy like this, like I should want it everyday and if I don’t want it I should still go because it’s my job. But instead, I’m staying home. Maybe I’ll browse web of science and see if there are any new papers relating to my work. That would be somewhat productive… For any of my readers, do you feel like this or act like this sometimes? I really don’t know if it’s normal or if I’m lethargic and listless because of depression, or if it’s something else.)